Dear Self, Its been a while...

I hit the 10 pound mark yesterday!  Woot!  And then proceeded to eat Jack in the Box after weigh in, and then tapas for dinner with Orran and Mom and Dad.

I feel sort of neutral about it, because on my LAST try at WW, I would have not even tried to add up the damage from a free-for-all like that.

*Ahem* New me alert: I not only did the horrid math, I held myself accountable and actually took the overages away from my weekly balance.  How's that for accountability?!?!?  Go me, go me!

Anywhoo, seems like this 10 pounds has a whole bunch tied to it. Emotionally, anyways.  I feel like Im finding myself again.  I knew I was in there this whole time, but sometimes I like to hide behind things.  Oh hey, like food!

It feels really good to be practicing what I have been preaching: time to make a change.  I am still eating Taco Bell.  I am still having beers at concerts.  I am just not eating 3 people's worth of food.

So, from my last post, the goal is 45 pounds, one pound at a time.  It feels amazing to say that I only have 34.6 to go before I meet my goal.  10 - 1lb babies I no longer have to carry with me.  Yea boiiiiiiiii.

I decided to do some reading lately, and canyoustayfordinner.com came across my lil eyeballs.  It is the best.thing.evar.  I highly reccommend it.

As to the title of this week's post, I feel like I'm starting to find myself again.  And really not care for anyone that chooses to stand in my way. 

45 pounds.

Time to change some ways of thinking.  I have a goal, a means to the 'end' of this WLJ.  45 seems like a good number.  When I actually get there, it will be a nice neener-neener to all the people that told me I would be fat if I weighed over 110 pounds.  I think I can look pretty damn good at 130.  And healthy too. 

I'm going to get there...one pound at a time.  A re-focus is in order.  Each pound shall be a victory.  One less I have to lose, and one less I willingly did not gain.  P+ has been so-so in the easy department for me.  Down 7.2 so far, with 1.3 to go before I hit my 5% goal.  The 6 weeks I have been on WW has passed already, and still would have even if I wasnt OP.  Might as well make the most of it.

This is also my new mantra for life.  Time to focus on the things and people that make me happy, instead of the ones who constantly bring me down.  No more wasted tears, no more wasted energy on those who dont waste anything on me.  I know I'm worth it, O knows I'm worth it, and if anybody else has a problem with that, they can suck it.  *insert obscene gesture here*

Life is too short to worry about things that dont really matter.  Time to focus on what actually does.  I want to fit into a dream wedding dress.  I want to finally be able to tell O "Im ready to wear a dress now" and to start that next chapter in my life. 

I hope the world is ready for all I have in store.....

Help! I've fallen and I cant get up!!!

Well, not literally, anyways.

I decided not to weigh in on Friday after all, and after the damage I did in Pismo, I didnt weigh in on Monday either.  As long as I lose SOMETHING this week, I'll consider it a success.

I sometimes wish I had the magic Fat Fairy who could come and make all my chubb dissappear.  But I also am beginning to wonder if its more the journey of "finding myself" that matters more than actually being thin.  Will all my problems solve themselves when I am skinny?  Nope.  I'll still have a truck payment and I will still love ice cream.

After Pismo I had a hard day on Monday.  It was difficult to get up and get back on track.  Ate 2 P+ over plan, and I'm tryinnnnnggggggg not to eat any WP's this week since I did so bad at the beach. 

It amazes me how one or two off days can totally undermine the last 4 weeks worth of work.  And I realize I will suffer with this 'fat person' syndrome forever.  Man, I'd really love to be able to eat whatever I want and not worry about my weight.  Maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

169.8 and Pismo...

Yee Haw!!!!  Out of the 170's for **hopefully** the last time!  I lost 1.6 lbs this week, for a total loss of 4.2.  I'll take it.  Hey, slow and steady wins the race, right???

Debating whether or not to weigh in on Friday this week or Monday next week.  Pismo coming up this weekend, and honestly, I'm not really looking forward to it.  Too much family drama in the making over the last few weeks.

Really sucks when the person who is supposed to be your friend is the one who you dont wanna even be around right now.  And since she and O are friends... its like double trouble.  Blech.  Seems like a waste to talk to her about my feelings, but I guess I have to do it for Orran's sake.  Really makes daily life uncomfortable.  When your friend puts you down for schtuff all the time... makes me REALLY not want to tell her anything.  And actually, I'm ok with doing my own thing right now.  Takes some of the pressure off of me to spend time around them.